Knight From ‘Indiana Jones And The Last Crusade’ Admits He Made A Piss Poor Effort At Defending The Holy Grail.
If you have ever seen ‘Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade’, you will remember Indiana fighting off the Nazis, a tank and some sword wielding Arabs on his way to the temple where the Holy Grail was housed. Forced then to pass three tests of skill, faith and strength, he arrives in the Grail room to be met with a 900-year-old knight who had sworn to protect the grail. You assume an epic fight is about to take place, one which shows off the knights years of training and swordsmanship. What ensues can only be described as a piss poor effort from the knight. Barely able to stand from the weight of his armour, he makes a feeble attempt to swing his sword, falls over and gives up. Pathetic.
It has been many years since this faithful day and on the eve of his one thousandth birthday the Grail Knight has taken to the internet to finally admit he made a complete dog’s dinner of it. “I don’t have many regrets in life,” said the Knight. “But my defense of the Grail was frankly, an embarrassment. Just thinking about it now makes me cringe. I think it was partially down to loneliness. I had been stuck in that temple going on 900 years. There is only so much one can do to pass the time in a room full of cups. I kept thinking, if only I’d brought a ball.“
“When someone finally arrived, I really just wanted to chat and find out what had been going on in the world over the last 900 years or so. But my honor kicked in and I stood up. My legs barely able to take the weight. For the first few hundred years I had been very good at doing squats. But the last few hundred I’d started to let myself go a little. I swung the sword in his general direction, the weight of it nearly pulled my bloody arm off. In my head, all I was thinking was, “Please hug me”. I really was starved for affection. I fell to the ground dislocating both shoulders. I looked a right tit.”
“Then that Donovan chap came in with the tasty blonde bird. He seemed like a bit of a prat, so I was delighted when he chose the wrong cup and his face melted off. As for me and Indy, we’re the best of friends these days. He’s coming to my birthday party tomorrow. No doubt he’ll give me a few digs about how poorly I defended the grail. At this stage I’m used to the jibes. Let's face it. It was an absolutely shambolic effort on my part.
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