• Me Hoop. Post Anything. About Anything. Blatantly Offensive Material Will Not Be Tolerated


    Stuck On Repeat ( Final Part )


    INT. BIG TOMS HOUSE - NIGHT

    (Big Tom stands in front of the door. We see over his shoulder as he opens it to reveal Markus.)

    BIG TOM (V.O.)
    So I open the door, and there before me is the love child of Prince and BoBo the Clown. Frilly shirt, eyeliner and a perm. I thought to myself, he’s perfect. Before I could say anything, he had pushed by me and walked into the sitting room. I go after him and there he was standing over at the window. It was like looking into the sun. I knew it was bad for me. But I just couldn’t look away.
    Markus is now in different clothes, frilly shirt, leather pants and microphone in hand. “Prince - When doves cry” starts to play. He swaggers up to Big Tom slowly. He licks his hands and slaps Tom on the face. Tom stands mouth open unsure of what to do.

    INT. BIG TOMS OFFICE - DAY Big Tom interview.

    BIG TOM
    It was incredible. I’d thought I was imagining things. I mean, the clothes, that voice. I’m not sure if I smacked myself or he did.

    LARS
    Did you know that “dirty little secret” is back in the charts again. There are rumours of a reunion starting to circulate. Would you be interested if they proved to be true?

    BIG TOM
    Oh I wouldn’t think so. I love my clowns too much. I couldn’t abandon them now.

    (The door opens. In walks a clown and hands Tom an envelope. Tom takes it and looks at it confused.)

    BIG TOM
    What’s this?

    BORRIS THE CLOWN
    It’s my resignation. I’m moving to a different agency. They’ve promised me circus work.

    BIG TOM
    I've told you already. The Circus is no place for a clown.

    BORRIS THE CLOWN
    No Tom. All you get me is kid’s birthdays and stag parties. A stag party is no place for a clown. They make me do things, things no clown should ever have to do. I want to be taken seriously Tom. I’m sick of people laughing at me.

    BIG TOM
    But Borris, you’re a clown! They’re meant to laugh at you.

    BORRIS
    You know what I mean Tom. I’m going now. This is goodbye. For good this time.

    BIG TOM
    But Borris you’re my last clown. You can’t leave me.

    BORRIS
    Sorry Tom. It’s over. There is half a cheese bagel left in the fridge. You can have it if you like. As Borris leaves, his gigantic shoes get caught in the door. No matter what way he turn’s he cant get through. Tom gets up to help him.

    BIG TOM
    Here let me give you some help.

    (Tom initially looks like he’s about to help him out but then charges at him instead, pushing him flying through the door. His shoe comes off. Tom grabs one of the giant clown shoes and starts to beat him with it.)

    BIG TOM
    You can shove you cheese bagel up your arse you child scaring prick.

    (We hear Borris the clown trying to get away. A jet of water shoots up into Tom’s face. He looks down at Borris in utter disbelief.)

    BORRIS
    No, Tom. It was accident! I didn’t mean it! It just goes off sometimes.

    (Big Tom holds the shoe over his head and roars with anger.)

    BIG TOM
    Die clown! Die...........

    INT. CONVENTION CENTRE - DAY
    The camera crew that was once around Malcolm has gone home and left him to sign a few autographs for his fans. A spectacled nerd with a world of warcraft T-shirt looms over him.

    FAN
    Oh my god, I’m your biggest fan! I loved you in Wing Commander.

    MALCOLM MCDOWELL
    Ah yes Wing Commander, I'm very proud of that one. With all the uh, commanding of the wings. Yes that’s it.

    (As he says this, he makes a hand gesture like a plane taking off and looks off into the distance. He then hands him the signed picture.)

    MALCOLM MCDOWELL
    That will be twenty five dollars.

    (The fan hands over the cash and walks away. Next up comes the same over weight fan who earlier crushed Brent Spiner.)

    FAN
    Oh my god, I’m your number one fan! I’ve seen you in everything.
    (Malcolm looks him up and down.)

    MALCOLM MCDOWELL
    Yes, I bet you have plenty of time to watch t.v. don’t you? No worries of a girlfriend or anything like that.

    (Malcolm now sees Lance looking over at him.)
    MALCOLM MCDOWELL
    What’s your name boy?

    FAN
    Justin.

    MALCOLM MCDOWELL Listen Justin, if you...

    JUSTIN
    Oh my god, you know my name!

    (Malcolm pauses for a moment and smiles.)

    MALCOLM MCDOWELL
    Yes, quite. Well if you are indeed my biggest fan, could you do me a favour?

    JUSTIN
    Yes of course, anything.

    MALCOLM MCDOWELL
    Good, good. Do you see that man sitting over there? The one with all the shit on his face?

    Justin turns to see Lance talking to Kevin.

    CUT TO
    We are now over at Lance and catch the last few words of his conversation with Kevin.

    LANCE
    ...and that’s why I cant wear spandex near a school ever again.

    (Justin walks over. Lance turns excited. Justin is looking back over at Malcolm before he finally turns to Lance.)

    JUSTIN
    Hey, I’m a huge fan. I was just wondering could you, eh, sign my chest.

    LANCE
    But(pause)your a boy.

    (We now hear Malcolm laughing really loudly. Lance looks over to see him and a group of fans pointing and laughing.)

    LANCE
    Right, that’s it. You mine McDowell!

    (Lance jumps up and runs at Malcolm. He dives over the table and takes Malcolm down as he goes flying. We turn to see Brent Spiner stand up and look over.

    BRENT SPINER
    Oh, not again.

    (Brent quickly moves to help break up the fight. As he looks over the table we see Malcolm on top of Lance punching him in the face. Brent pulls him off and Kevin pulls Lance away, back to his seat. Malcolm dusts himself off and turns to Brent.)

    BRENT SPINER
    It’s good to see you again Malcolm. I see you still have some fight in you.

    (Malcolm looks at him confused as he clearly this is. Brent puts his hand out to Malcolm doesn’t accept the handshake.)

    BRENT SPINER
    We worked together on Star Trek. You played the bad guy.

    MALCOLM MCDOWELL
    Yes, yes of course. The bad guy. One of my favourite roles. How could I forget? Yes, Star Wreck.

    BRENT SPINER
    Star Trek.

    MALCOLM MCDOWELL
    Star Trek. The one with all the Trekking and the stars. Here have an autograph.

    BRENT SPINER
    Oh, well, I don't really......

    MALCOLM MCDOWELL
    Twenty Five dollars please.

    Brent stands looking at him in stunned silence. Malcolm has his hand out gesturing for the money.

    CUT TO:
    We now see Lance sitting back down, holding a tissue to his bloody nose.

    LARS
    Do you think you will ever tour again with “Four More”?

    LANCE
    I’d do anything to get away from this shit.

    INT. PRISON - NIGHT
    (We see over Lars shoulder as he looks at Zach through the glass.)

    LARS
    So when do you get out of here?

    ZACH
    Two more weeks and I’m done.

    LARS
    So, do you think you will ever tour again?

    (A large biker, covered in tattoos, walks up behind Zach and puts his hand on his shoulder. Zach looks up at him in fear.)

    BIKER
    Bed time.

    Zach looks back with a panicked expression. He gets up and leaves with the biker’s arm around him.

    INT. SCHOOL HALL - NIGHT

    COREY
    Things are going great for me now. I don’t like to think about the past. My future is in helping others.

    LARS
    So you would never think of touring again if the opportunity arose?

    (In the background, the same woman from earlier can be seen walking through the chairs to leave and falls over. Her chips fly everywhere. Corey looks back to see what happened. He turns back to face the camera.)

    COREY
    I might consider it.

    INT. MARKUS HOME - DAY Markus interview

    LARS
    I understand that album sales have taken a dive the last few years and you’re finding it hard to sell out even small venues.

    MARKUS
    It was because of that stupid photo on the cover of Rolling Stone.

    (We see a picture on the cover of the magazine and Markus and Bjorn naked in embrace)

    MARKUS
    I didn’t think our fans would be so disturbed by it.

    LARS
    Well, country music fans don’t usually follow people who live your kind of life style.

    MARKUS
    What do you mean “my kind of lifestyle”?

    LARS
    As in, the lifestyle of being gay. Markus eye’s widen in surprise. He becomes exasperated as he speaks.

    MARKUS
    What? I’m not gay! I love women! Big sexy women.

    (In the background, a naked man walks passed with his mid section covered by the furniture.)

    LARS
    Who was that?

    MARKUS
    What? That’s just my new gardener, Felix. Don’t worry about him. Let’s talk more about those sexy sexy ladies.

    INT. SITTING ROOM

    JIMMY BACK-BACON JONES
    I remember the first time I saw them. It was in a little club called “The Pickle Palace”. They were just incredible. So tight on stage, as if they were one. I’d love to see them again.

    JOHN TWO SHEDS JONES
    The Pickle Palace? Why does that sound familiar?

    JIMMY BACK-BACON JONES
    Yeah we played there once. We were opening for “The Fuzzy Wombats” remember?

    JOHN TWO SHEDS JONES
    Oh yeah, didn’t their lead singer have an accident on a plane?

    JIMMY BACK-BACON JONES
    Yeah that’s right. Poor Barry Wombat. He lost his watch down the toilet. Couldn’t see where it went so he stuck his head in. He hits the flusher by accident and pop.

    JIMMY BACK-BACON JONES
    Off comes his head.

    LARS
    Wow, that’s terrible.

    JOHN TWO SHEDS JONES
    Yeah it is. He couldn’t really hit the high notes after that.

    ROLL CREDITS
    As credits end one last scene appears. We see a flashback of the audition scene. Big Tom opens the front door to reveal a man that looks just like Phil Collins.

    PHIL COLLINS LOOKALIKE
    Hey, am I too late for the orgy?

    FADE TO BLACK.
    FADE OUT

    More From This Writer

    Sign Up And Write Something


    Posted 5 months ago.



    Post views: 115
  • Comments