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    Covid Lockdown (Final Day Part 1 : Apocalypse Meow)

    Cabin fever was now reaching its peak. I was starting to think that my wife was trying to kill me. I first became suspicious when she ran at me with a knife screaming, “I’m going to kill you”. I’m observant that way. I see the little signs that other husbands would miss.

    It had been a few days now since Frank the cat has been taken away by his nemesis Mister Snuggles. In a way I felt responsible. Probably because I was the one who had told Mister Snuggles where Frank had been hiding. The guilt was starting to sting a little. That and my wife was poking me with a hot needle which stung quite a bit more than the guilt.

    I decided I needed to rescue Frank. Also, we had run out of booze. I could rescue him on the way to the shop or on the way back. They don’t usually allow cats into supermarkets. Not with protective masks anyway. Best to do it on the return trip.

    Mister Snuggles ran a local Chinese restaurant so I knew he’d be keeping Frank in the back somewhere. I would have to pretend to be ordering Chinese food. I’d also have to eat all the Chinese food to keep up the cover story.

    I grab my bag for life and suit up for battle. I’ve put on a little weight since the start of the lockdown so I get my wife to take out the trousers. I tell her to sow as fast as she can as Franks life depends on it. Three hours later I suit up again. The trousers are still a little tight so I ask her to give them another go. I don’t want my crotch to start chaffing mid rescue. Another three hours pass and I go back for a second fitting. They still weren’t great but I decided Franks life was more important than my crotch comfort.

    I put the food order in by phone and tell them I'll be down to collect it in twenty minutes. I head the back way to avoid any police attention. They were still pretty strict about not letting people out without good reason and they’ve put me on the most wanted list since my wife attacked them.

    I arrive at Mister Snuggles Pickle Palace. The best Chinese restaurant run by a cat with two names this side of the town. Meow Chows run by Will Feral on other side of town do an unbeatable Moo Shu pork. As I enter the restaurant, I can feel all the eyes were on me. There was only one person in there but they were looking right at me.

    “I called in earlier”, I say. “I ordered the Duck fried noodle caboddle.”

    The cashier nodded and disappeared through the two unnecessarily small flappy doors. I take this opportunity to search for Frank. I see a door off to the left which looks interesting. I go inside and see a urinal and sink. I should have seen the signs, especially the one on the door that said “Bathroom”. I go through four more doors, three of which were just more bathrooms. The other had a naked man tied to a chair. He looked like he needed help. I couldn’t be sure; he had a gag in his mouth. Also, I was too busy trying to figure out why this place had so many toilets.

    I head on upstairs and continue my search. At the end of hall was a big metal green door that said “Franks holding cell”. That must be where they are holding him, I cleverly deduce. I slowly open the door and peak inside. I spot him in the corner in a cage. I creep inside towards him and bend over to open the cage door when suddenly the door slams behind me giving me a little fright. I know because I remember remarking at the time.

    “That door gave me little fright.”

    It was then I noticed him sitting on the couch.

    “Well, well, well”, said Mister Snuggles pointing a pump action shotgun my direction. “Come back for your pet, have you? Well I’m afraid I have other plans for your beloved Frank. Get in the cage.”

    I look down at the cage which is just about big enough for Frank, never mind a fully grown man.

    “Look, Mister Snuggles, I’ll never fit...”

    He interrupts me. “I said....... Get in!”

    To be continued.

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