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    Danny And Bang Bang ( Part 1: The Missing Milk )


    Danny and Bang Bang have just risen from the bed after a long nights sleep and are on their way to the kitchen to have breakfast.

    DANNY
    By the way, there’s no milk left.

    BANG-BANG
    What happened the milk I bought yesterday?

    DANNY
    I gave it to the cat.

    BANG-BANG
    We don’t have a cat.

    DANNY
    Yes we do. Big black and white one with one eye and the funny walk.
    (Bang-Bang thinks on it)

    BANG-BANG
    That’s the neighbours cat. Clint Eastwood.

    DANNY
    Why do they call him Clint Eastwood?

    BANG-BANG
    I don’t know. I suppose he has that sort of look. Ya know?

    DANNY
    What sort of look?

    BANG-BANG
    You know. (Bang-Bang tries to do his best Clint Eastwood cowboy face and stance.)

    DANNY
    Constipated?

    BANG-BANG
    No! Ya know what I mean. Like Clint Eastwood does when he’s giving a bad guy a mean look.

    DANNY
    Is that what that was?

    BANG-BANG
    Shut it.

    DANNY
    Well, Mr. Eastwood moseyed on in and drank all your milk. And I’m pretty sure he took a shit in your butter, so I suggest dry toast with your eggs this morning.

    BANG-BANG
    How the hell did he shit in the butter?

    DANNY
    The same way anyone does I suppose. (Danny begins to demonstrate). Just kind of squat over it like this. Some people call it the hover method.

    BANG-BANG
    No. I mean how did he get into the fridge to shit on the butter?

    DANNY
    Oh no, he didn’t get into the fridge. The butter wasn’t in the fridge.

    BANG-BANG
    Well then where was it?

    DANNY
    On the floor.
    (Bang-Bang is almost too stunned to reply.)

    BANG-BANG
    Danny?

    DANNY
    Bang-Bang?

    BANG-BANG
    Why was the butter on the floor?

    DANNY
    Well why shouldn’t it be on the floor?

    BANG-BANG
    Because it’s fecking butter. It goes in the fridge.

    DANNY
    Says who?

    BANG-BANG
    (Shouting) Says everyone!

    DANNY
    So. What you’re saying is. Don’t put the butter on the floor?

    BANG-BANG
    Yes!

    DANNY
    Well you should have said. You need to let me know these things. (Silence) And since
    we're on the topic. I suggest you stay away from the yogurts.

    BANG-BANG
    Why? What’s wrong with the yogurts?

    DANNY
    Well you know our dog?

    BANG-BANG
    We don’t have a dog.

    DANNY
    Well we don’t have a cat either. But I’d still stay away from those yogurts.

    PART 2
    www.mehoop.com/microposts/37

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    Posted 9 months ago.



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