• Writer: Hands-Gruber

  1. Covid Lockdown (Final Day Part 1 : Apocalypse Meow)

    Cabin fever was now reaching its peak. I was starting to think that my wife was trying to kill me. I first became suspicious when she ran at me with a knife screaming, “I’m going to kill you”. I’m observant that way. I see the little signs that other husbands would miss.

    It had been a few day...

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    Posted 4 days ago.

  2. Covid Lockdown ( Day 9: The Pawshank Redemption )

    The hunger pains started early this morning. It had been at least three hours since last I ate, not including the packet of chocolate biscuits I had just eaten. I go to the fridge with dreams of ham and cheese sandwiches. I pull open the door and all I can see is the back of the fridge. I hadn’t ...

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    Posted 10 days ago.

  3. Covid Lockdown ( Day 8: The Monopoly Game 2: Return Of The Monopoly Man )

    I arrive into the sitting room a defeated man. The monopoly board still on the table reminds me of the tongue lashing my wife gave me the day before. I enter the kitchen in search of coffee. Frank the cat is already sitting at the table reading the paper. I find it strange that he’s up so early. ...

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    Posted 11 days ago.

  4. Covid Lockdown ( Day 7: The Monopoly Game )

    The mood in the house after seven days of lockdown has become sombre. Frank hasn’t come out of his room since yesterday and my wife has been watching reruns of Dawson’s Creek all morning in her underwear. She swears loudly every time Dawson comes on screen. Considering he’s the main character in ...

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    Posted 12 days ago.

  5. Covid Lockdown ( Day 6: The Policemen Only Ring Twice )

    I awoke with a stabbing pain in my left foot. For once it wasn’t my wife stabbing me in my left foot. It must be gout. I shouldn’t have eaten that eighth steak for dinner last night. My doctor told me to cut it down to five steaks a day, but what does he know? I found an article online that said ...

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    Posted 13 days ago.

  6. Covid Lockdown ( Day 5: Franks Banana Smoothie )

    I walk from the bedroom to the bathroom in my underwear. When I get there, the door is locked. I bang on it shouting for Frank to hurry up. The door swings open to reveal Franks date with a towel wrapped around her head.

    “Sorry I thought it was Frank”, I say a little embarrassed.

    She wal...

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    Posted 15 days ago.

  7. Covid Lockdown ( Day 4: The Broken Coffee Grinder )

    I awoke to my wife punching me in the stomach. “Stop snoring”, she shouted. “I’m awake, stop”, I protest. She hears me but keeps punching anyway. By day 4 this has become a regular occurrence. Sometimes I might simply be standing in the kitchen talking to her when she just starts wailing on me. “...

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    Posted 16 days ago.

  8. Covid Lockdown (Day 3: Día De San Patricio ( Saint Patricks Day )

    I awoke with the knowledge that I would spend Saint Patrick's Day indoors. What could I do to recreate the feel of an Irish pub in my own home? Oh sure, the place stank of sweat and booze, but was it enough for that authenticate pub experience. Where was the cigarette ash stained carpet? Where wa...

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    Posted 17 days ago.

  9. Covid Lockdown (Day 2: Frank The Cat Starts A Turf War)

    My wife woke me up this morning doing exercise in the sitting room. She was extra loud. It was almost as if she didn’t want to me stay in bed all day. She has never exercised before, why would she start now? The lockdown paranoia was clearly beginning.

    I turned over to see Frank the cat on h...

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    Posted 18 days ago.

  10. Covid Lockdown (Day 1: Two Week Supply Of Pringles Eaten On First Day)

    Woke with plans to go for a walk. Remembered I can’t go outside and I don’t like walking. I can hear the missus in the kitchen making sausages. I fought hard to get those sausages the previous day. I won’t go into it, but people died. I saw things in that supermarket I wouldn’t tell to my deaf do...

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    Posted 19 days ago.